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What Are the 3 Vital Questions?
The 3 Vital Questions translate The Empowerment Dynamic into a short daily practice. Each question points at one of the three shifts from the Dreaded Drama Triangle to the Empowerment Triangle. Together they ask where your attention is, how you are treating the people around you and what you are doing about it.
- 1
Focus
Where are you putting your focus?
From: Problem Orientation
To: Outcome Orientation
- 2
Relate
How are you relating?
From: Drama Triangle roles
To: Empowerment Triangle roles
- 3
Act
What actions are you taking?
From: Reacting to the problem of the moment
To: Baby Steps toward the outcome
| Question | What it examines | The shift | Roles it touches |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Where am I putting my focus? | Problems, or the outcomes you want | Reacting to choosing | Victim to Creator |
| 2. How am I relating? | Producing or perpetuating drama, or empowering | Telling to asking | Rescuer to Coach |
| 3. What actions am I taking? | Merely reacting, or creating through Baby Steps | Putting down to building up | Persecutor to Challenger |
The practice began in organizational work. As TED* spread among people looking for a way out of everyday drama, it also reached organizations, large and small, as a set of leadership and culture-building ways of thinking, relating and acting. The 3 Vital Questions grew out of that work. David and Donna wrote them up in the book 3 Vital Questions: Transforming Workplace Drama and in the Center’s white paper A Quick Look at 3 Vital Questions.
Question 1: Where Are You Putting Your Focus?
The first question is about attention. In The Empowerment Dynamic the contrast is between a problem orientation, which focuses on what you do not want, and an outcome orientation, which focuses on what you want to create. Many people do not choose between them. They default to the problem, because problems demand attention.
| Aspect | Problem orientation | Outcome orientation |
|---|---|---|
| Question asked | What’s wrong, and whose fault is it? | What do I want to create? |
| Where attention goes | What you don’t want | What you do want |
| Typical inner state | Anxious, defensive, stuck | Hopeful, energized, curious |
| Typical behavior | Complain, blame, fix, avoid | Ask, learn, take Baby Steps |
| Typical effect | More problems to manage | More options to choose from |
Why focus comes first: the FISBE chain
TED* describes how focus shapes everything downstream with a four-step chain called FISBE: Focus shapes your Inner State, your inner state drives your Behavior, and your behavior produces an Effect. If you want a different effect, the leverage point is the first link.
- Step 1Focus
- Step 2Inner State
- Step 3Behavior
- Step 4Effect
Problem Orientation
Outcome Orientation
A workplace reframe
| A problem statement | An outcome reframe |
|---|---|
| “We keep missing deadlines.” | “We want to deliver reliably, with room to catch problems early.” |
| “Customers are always complaining.” | “We want customers who feel heard and choose to stay.” |
| “I’m tired of being micromanaged.” | “I want to work with autonomy and clear expectations.” |
| “Meetings are a waste of time.” | “I want meetings that end with decisions and owners.” |
The way a problem focus spreads is the subject of a story on the Center’s blog. A new executive built her meetings around the question “What problems do we need to address?” and watched one-hour meetings grow into two hours of complaints. Read Problems Stick Together Like Glue. For a short video on the same shift, see Developing an Outcome-Oriented Mindset.
Question 2: How Are You Relating?
The second question looks at your part in an interaction. Every conversation either produces or perpetuates drama or empowers. When you tell people what to do, blame them or rescue them, you invite them into the Dreaded Drama Triangle. When you ask, tell the truth and trust, you invite them into the Empowerment Triangle.
| Aspect | Producing or perpetuating drama (DDT) | Empowering (TED*) |
|---|---|---|
| Stance toward others | As problems, threats or people to save | As Creators: capable and resourceful |
| Typical moves | Advising, fixing, criticizing, withholding | Asking, listening, telling the truth without blame |
| Typical roles | Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer | Creator, Challenger, Coach |
| Effect on the other person | Dependency, defensiveness or withdrawal | Ownership, clarity and learning |
A team member asks for the answer
A team member brings a scheduling conflict to her manager. The scenario is illustrative.
Perpetuating drama
Team member (Victim): Two clients want the same slot. Can you just tell me what to do?
Manager (Rescuer): Give me the details and I’ll sort it out. Don’t worry about it.
Empowering
Team member (Victim): Two clients want the same slot. Can you just tell me what to do?
Manager (Coach): What outcome do you want for each client? What options do you see?
Team member (Creator): I could offer the earlier client a morning slot. I’ll call them today.
Both managers care about the team member and the clients. The second manager trusts her to solve it, and that trust builds capacity.
The question applies to how you relate to yourself as well. The voice that says “what’s wrong with me?” is an inner Persecutor. See The 3 roles of the Empowerment Triangle for what to practice in each case, and Stop Rescuing. Start Coaching. for the manager’s side of this exchange.
Question 3: What Actions Are You Taking?
The third question moves from attitude to action. People tend to act in one of two ways: reacting to whatever is in front of them, or creating something they want. TED* describes the space between where you are and where you want to be as Dynamic Tension: current reality on one side, desired outcome on the other.
Tension is uncomfortable, and the Dreaded Drama Triangle is a way of relieving it: by blaming someone, giving up or calling for help. The Empowerment Dynamic suggests staying with the tension and letting it do its work. The Center’s article Am I Feeling Anxiety or Tension? explores the difference.
Baby Steps: how to act inside the tension
A Baby Step is the small, concrete action that moves you toward your outcome. TED* describes three qualities of a good one, and the third is the one people most often miss.
- 1
It is 100% your responsibility
A Baby Step is something you can do without anyone else’s permission or cooperation. “Get my boss to agree” is not a Baby Step; “write down what I will ask my boss for” is.
- 2
It is short-term and actionable
You can finish it within a day or a week, and you will know whether you did it.
- 3
It is aimed in a direction, not at a perfect plan
Your desired outcome can be vague and directional. You do not need all the details before you begin. Taking a step often clarifies the next one.
The third shift, from putting down to building up, is about how you take the step. A step that blames or criticizes may be an action, but it puts people down. A step that names the facts, asks for a commitment and believes in the other person builds them up. For more on why small steps work, read Why Baby Steps Work.
Applying the 3 Vital Questions at Work
Leadership
Before a decision or one-on-one
Ask: What outcome do I want here? Am I about to tell, or to ask? What is one Baby Step I can take today? The three questions take about a minute and often change what you say next.
Team
Opening a meeting
Begin with the outcome: “What do we want to have by the end of this hour?” Then ask how the group wants to work together, and close with owners and Baby Steps.
Conflict and change
When things are uncertain
In conflict, ask which role you are playing before you respond. In change, ask the questions together as a team so that the shared language does some of the work.
31.5%
of U.S. employees engaged
51%
not engaged
17%
actively disengaged
70–85%
of change efforts fail
Gallup (2014) engagement figures and the 70–85% change-failure range as cited in the Center’s white paper A Quick Look at 3 Vital Questions (© 2019 David Emerald Womeldorff and Donna Zajonc). For the leadership view, see 3 Vital Questions: A Foundation for Change Leadership.
Shouldn’t we be asking these 3 questions every day?
Real-World Results
Organizations that use the 3 Vital Questions report results in engagement, retention and culture. The summaries below are drawn from the Center’s published success stories.
Cleveland Clinic · Healthcare
Raising engagement at one of America’s leading hospitals
Cleveland Clinic’s five-month Engagement Leadership Series, which uses TED* and the 3 Vital Questions, has run in cohorts since 2011 and reached more than 1,000 leaders. Of the participants identified for improvement, 80% raised their scores on the next engagement survey.
Read the Cleveland Clinic storyStudio Movie Grill · Entertainment & Dining
Cutting management turnover in a fast-growing company
After Studio Movie Grill adopted the 3 Vital Questions, management turnover fell from 42% to 18% over three years, saving more than $1 million a year. The company is trending toward 80% internal hires.
Read the Studio Movie Grill storyThe 3 Vital Questions — it almost creates its own immune system. When people are victims, it sticks out like a sore thumb.
More results are in the success stories library, including driversselect and Nevada County DSS. The book 3 Vital Questions: Transforming Workplace Drama tells the story behind the questions.
How to Start Using the 3 Vital Questions
You can begin with a single situation that is bothering you. Use the guided exercise below, then keep the field guide close for a few days.
Try it now
A guided exercise: the three questions
Write a short answer to each question about one real situation. You can copy your answers to use in a conversation or a journal.
Free download
Field guide
The Center’s one-page Transform Drama Into Empowerment field guide covers the three shifts, the six roles and the three questions.
Download the field guide (PDF)Self-paced training
3 Vital Questions eCourse
A self-paced online course on recognizing everyday drama and shifting toward empowered action at work and in life.
Explore the 3VQ eCourseCertification
Practitioner certification
For facilitators, coaches and leaders who want to teach and apply TED* and the 3 Vital Questions in organizations.
See practitioner certificationFrequently asked questions
Who created the 3 Vital Questions?
David Emerald (David Emerald Womeldorff) and Donna Zajonc created the 3 Vital Questions as part of their work on The Empowerment Dynamic, and they are credited as the authors of the Center’s 3VQ white paper (© 2019). David wrote the book 3 Vital Questions: Transforming Workplace Drama.
How do the 3 Vital Questions relate to TED*?
They are the working form of TED*. Each question matches one shift between the Dreaded Drama Triangle and the Empowerment Triangle: focus (Victim to Creator), relating (Rescuer to Coach) and action (Persecutor to Challenger). Read the Empowerment Triangle guide for the roles themselves.
Can I use the 3 Vital Questions outside of work?
Yes. The questions were developed in an organizational setting, but they apply in families, friendships and personal projects. The 3 Vital Questions eCourse is written for both work and personal life.
Is there a book or training on the 3 Vital Questions?
Yes. 3 Vital Questions: Transforming Workplace Drama is the book. For training, the 3VQ eCourse is self-paced and the practitioner certification prepares facilitators to teach the framework.