Weaponizing TED*
When people learn about the Dreaded Drama Triangles roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer, almost always the first thing they ask is, “How do I get myself out of these roles?”When TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)®…
When people learn about the Dreaded Drama Triangles roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer, almost always the first thing they ask is, “How do I get myself out of these roles?”When TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® roles are described to them, suddenly they have a new vision of how they can live. Their enthusiasm, however, can sometimes mean they may use the TED* framework in less than desirable ways. Here are a few examples:
- I told my team they act like Victims and should stop their complaining and get their work done on time.
- After reading TED*, I literally threw the book at my husband hoping he gets that he is being a Persecutor when he doesn’t listen to me.
- Don’t the Republicans see that they are Persecuting our country? (We received almost identical emails from others who wrote, “Don’t the Democrats see that they are all Persecutors?”)
We call these examples “weaponizing TED*” and its frameworks.
The definition of weapon is something that is designed to inflict harm, and a way to defend and gain an advantage. According to this definition, the above statements are all using TED* as a weapon.
There are a variety of reasons why an idea or book would be used as a weapon. Here are a few we have noticed:
- You want to change others.
- You want to look smart.
- You want to feel superior or gain power over others by knowing something they don’t.
- You are pretending you want to help, when you really are giving off a subtle (or not so subtle) message that the other person, or team, is a problem that needs to be fixed.
- You are a “serial Rescuer” on another crusade to change the world (and everyone around you).
The irony is that, by insisting another person should put TED* to work in their life, you are not putting the ideas to work in yours. By using the framework as the latest and greatest “weapon” to fix others, you risk becoming a Persecutor, insisting that something is wrong with them and you know best.
We have also learned that the quickest way for you to be seen as a Persecutor is simply to say to someone: “You should read The Power of TED* so you can learn how to stop being a Victim.”Oh! Criiiiiinge. That is definitely using TED* as a weapon against others!
If a new insight or way of thinking has been helpful to you, it is natural that you want to share it. The caution here is twofold:
- Be clear about your motivation in sharing TED* and,
- Be thoughtful about how you share it.
Conversations about how to relate to others is desperately needed. Hopefully, TED* can be a process that is useful in accelerating meaningful and positive relationships. These conversations are essential.
One approach that many have used is to invite someone to read the book and then talk about what struck them and share how it has impacted you.
Rather than using TED* as a way to criticize, we encourage you to take responsibility for your own life. Learn to share your insights about when you felt like a Victim. How are you learning to approach life as a Creator and taking responsibility for what is yours to do? Sharing your own personal story will allow others the space to learn what they are ready to learn.
For many, The Power of TED* is a book that serves as a Challenger to how to think and relate to others, their experience, and themselves. Resist the temptation to wield TED* as a weapon. Instead, see it as an opportunity to share a more empowering, resourceful, and resilient way of thinking and relating that has been useful to you.