The “I Know” vs “I Learn” Mindset

TED* Team · March 14, 2024

One of the faster ways to put yourself into a drama relationship with yourself and others is to pretend you know something when you don’t. If you pretend you know how to fix your busted computer, when you don’t know how, you will cause yourself frustration and refrain from asking for valuable help.

Pretending you know something when you don’t interrupts your willingness to learn, shuts down new possibilities, and limits your effectiveness. The “I know” mindset requires you to compare and defend your opinions to others. Once comparisons begin, it is likely you will trigger others to defend their opinions, causing more polarization.

Conversations based upon the “I know” mindset can become personal and all about how much you know (or think you know), firmly planting you in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). In conversations, you may Persecute others if they disagree with you. Interactions become debates and your point of view is the only truth. And here’s the irony—you probably don’t “know” that your need to be right is causing you frustration and harming your relationships.

This can be particularly challenging if you are an expert in a group, whether at work or home. Leaders who think they must be an expert and have all the answers squash new ideas and wonder why no one will offer suggestions when they ask for input.

The knower mindset often begins early. Most people were brought up in educational systems that taught that there was only one right answer and gave low grades if the answer given wasn’t correct. Many people in organizations get promoted if they advocate their point-of-view the most vocally, making others believe they have the right answer.

Clinging to a knower mindset may give you comfort and a feeling of certainty, but it will likely frustrate your co-workers, friends, and family. The knower mindset relies on old habits of thought that worked in the past. Without being aware of it, you can get stuck in the box of your prior experience.

Having a learner mindset, however, cultivates the Creator role, which is the foundation of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)^®. In short, a learner’s mind is the antidote to the knower mind. This change requires that you learn to become comfortable with not knowing—not an easy shift when in the knower mindset!

As you switch from knower to learner, you may feel uneasy at first because you are moving outside your comfort zone, seeing experiences as an opportunity to learn rather than try to control or be right. You are moving away from a need to control a situation and relaxing with more ease and willingness to trust.

Here are a few suggestions to develop your learner mindset:

1. Declare that you are a learner, rather than a knower. Practice saying, “I don’t know.” With this declaration, you become open to new perspectives and ideas.
2. Learn something new that places you in an uncomfortable state of not knowing. It may be learning a new hobby, a foreign language, riding a motorcycle—anything that sounds interesting but still forces you to learn.
3. Ask for support! Those who live from the knower mindset feel pressure to know the answers, which means they often don’t even think about asking for others’ perspectives or assistance. In everyday situations, practice asking for help and then listen for unique ways of approaching the situation that you hadn’t previously considered.

With practice you can gradually shift your mindset from expert knower to learner by being more open to new possibilities and innovative solutions, thus further cultivating your Creator capacities.