Choice Points Can Come When You Least Expect Them
This blog was written by Debbie Hulbert, our Director of Communications and Customer Service and long-time TED* advocate._________________________________________I recently visited my local grocery store where I’ve…
This blog was written by Debbie Hulbert, our Director of Communications and Customer Service and long-time TED* advocate._________________________________________I recently visited my local grocery store where I’ve shopped for years. The entire store was being remodeled, so the food aisles were completely rearranged. The top priority for my brief grocery visit was curry paste for a dish I was excited to make that night for dinner.
I went to the aisle where I thought I’d find curry paste and discovered it was nowhere to be found. I did some hunting and finally found what I believed was the correct aisle. While there, I briefly noticed a woman in the same aisle talking on her cell phone. While I was focused on looking for curry paste, out of the blue she pulled her phone from her ear, leaned in toward me, and blurted, “Don’t bother looking for anything here. You won’t find it.” After broadcasting her complaint, she returned to her phone conversation and walked away.
After this sudden uninvited interruption, the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) graphic flashed before my eyes. I immediately saw two unpleasant options. I could either join her “poor me” mindset and feel like a Victim to the grocery store’s disorder, or I could see her as an intruding Persecutor and get angry about how she disrupted my shopping experience. I honestly did not want either of those options.
I was at a Choice Point. Do I join her pity party and strengthen the negative energy? I took a couple of deep breaths to settle my emotions. I have learned from TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® that a brief pause is one of the most important and easy exercises to help me make an empowered choice.
I’ve also learned that staying focused on my desired outcome helps my Creator essence to make wise decisions. My desired outcome was to explore the new store and find some curry paste for a new dinner recipe. With a conscious deep breath and recommitting to my outcome, I was able to stay centered and not get triggered by the women’s negative energy.
In doing so I noticed a couple of things. First, I was able to let go of the tension that had welled up in my body and to relax. Second, I realized that choice point moments do not have to be big and that envisioned outcomes can be applied to any situation, no matter how small.
This whole situation played out in less than a minute. I resumed my shopping and, yes, I found the curry paste exactly where I expected to find it, in the relocated international aisle.
This experience has stayed with me, and I’ve had time to reflect upon it. I have wondered what was going on with the other woman that she felt the need to broadcast her reactive energy toward someone she’d never met.
I have done the same more times than I would like to count. I have allowed my negative feelings to escape into the atmosphere around me, broadcasting my negative vibrations.
In the past, it was easy to get triggered and feel like a Victim to something I didn’t like or didn’t want. I gave my power away to outside events and, in those moments, I felt sorry for myself and looked for someone, anyone, to step in as my Rescuer. I was unprepared to take responsibility for my own thoughts and emotions.
I now know that I am equally capable of behaving from both my best self and my worst self— from the DDT roles or from my best self, which TED* represents to me. I simply have to choose which version of myself I wish to be in the moment. With the support of the TED* framework, I trust that I can and will be able to choose an empowering response and be the person I wish to be in every moment—even in the grocery aisle!