Transforming Your Negative Inner Dialogue
We all do it. We talk to ourselves. Having an inner dialogue with ourselves is often called “self-talk.” It is one of the unique characteristics that gives human beings the ability to reason and think about situations.…
We all do it. We talk to ourselves.
Having an inner dialogue with ourselves is often called “self-talk.” It is one of the unique characteristics that gives human beings the ability to reason and think about situations.
The inner dialogue starts at an early age. As you grow, you create messages that are repeated over and over, much like how a software program runs a computer. Sometimes the dialogue is neutral and useful. When you want to get milk at the store, for example, you may say to yourself, “Remember to get the milk.”
Unfortunately, many people experience harsh and negative self-talk. Here are a few examples:
“I never know what I should say.”
“I can never get ahead.”
“I don't have talent.”
“I never have enough time.”
Every time you repeat phrases like that, you are activating your inner Persecutor, one of the three roles in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). Even if you are not conscious of your negative inner dialogue, your brain is listening and it wires itself to focus on anxiety, worry, and sets you up for limitation.
The important truth here is that we are not born to think negatively. A negative inner dialogue is a learned behavior. It may have developed from early family situations that reinforced negative messages about yourself and the world.
It is less important, though, to dwell on how your negative self-talk began, and instead more useful to focus on learning how to create more empowering conversations with yourself.
Psychologist Shad Helmstetter PhD. has identified five levels of inner dialogue. These different types of inner dialogue serve as a step-by-step process that can help you change negative self-talk. Here is a quick summary:
Level 1. Harmful Self-Talk. In this level, we accept the harsh things we say to ourselves as true. We say them without questioning the messages and even repeat the negative comments out loud to others. The phrase “I can’t” characterizes this inner perspective. This level of self-talk is the backbone of everything that blocks your goodness.
Level 2. I Should Change. On the surface, telling yourself you should change sounds helpful. It is still negative self-talk, however, because it focuses on what is wrong with you. “I really should try to lose weight” sounds like a goal that might motivate you but instead can activate your inner Persecutor and create even more anxiety.
Level 3. Decision to Change. This is the stage where change can gain momentum. Your inner dialogue begins to work for you, rather than against you. You recognize the need to change and talk to yourself in a way that supports the change you want to see.
Level 4. The Better You. You acknowledge your strengths and what you want to create and, with your words, paint a picture of your true self. It is an inner dialogue that describes the person you know you are and aspire to be.
Level 5. Affirming “I Am That.” You recognize and realize your Creator essence as the truth of who you are now, not sometime in the future. “I am a Creator, imbued with goodness, committed to continuous learning and positive intent.”
The messages that are simple and go from one level to the next have the highest chance to really take hold. The key to success is to not replace the negative talk with pollyannish untruths. You are editing and reframing based upon how you choose to be and what you want to create, step-by-step.
Once you choose the messages that are more positive and inspiring, you begin to align your mind and body with your highest desires. When you start this inner journey, your life begins to change for good.