Make Use of Your Obstacles
It is not what happens to us that matters most — it is how we respond
There’s a story about a spiritual community in France, led by an inspiring monk. Within this community lived an old man who was irritable, messy, argumentative, and difficult to be around. No one could get along with him, and his presence created constant tension.
After months of frustration, the old man gave up and left for Paris. The monk followed and asked him to return. When he refused, the monk offered a monthly stipend. The man saw no reason to say no and came back.
When the community learned he was being paid to live there — while they paid for their own rooms and board — they were outraged. The monk called everyone together, listened to their complaints, then laughed. “This old man is like yeast for bread,” he said. “Without him, you would never truly learn about anger, irritability, patience, and compassion. That is why you asked me to lead this community, and why I hired him back. Life’s challenges are the yeast for your growth.”
I love this story because it reminds me that obstacles are not always in the way. Sometimes they are the way. That does not mean we have to like the challenge, pretend it’s easy, or minimize pain, grief, or conflict. It means we ask a different question. Rather than “Why is this happening to me?” we can ask, “How can I make use of this?”
If fact I believe the path to our wholeness – our Creator essence – is not by eliminating our obstacles but by making use of them.
I came across a similar story about Abraham Lincoln, who was known for keeping advisors who disagreed with him. One in particular often opposed his decisions. A friend finally asked why Lincoln didn’t replace him with someone more agreeable. Lincoln answered with a story of his own:
“One day I was walking down a country road and came upon a farmer plowing his field. I noticed a horsefly biting the horse and started to brush it away. The farmer stopped me. ‘Don’t do that,’ he said. ‘That horsefly is the only thing keeping this old horse moving.’”
Opposition, irritation, even conflict, can create movement. Without challenge, there can be stagnation. The horsefly, as annoying as it was, kept the horse going.
This feels especially relevant in our world today. Everywhere we turn we see division — in our country, our communities, our families, and in the way we talk about nearly every important issue.
It’s easy to see this division only as a problem. Easy to fall into blame, despair, or helplessness. Easy to quickly decide who the difficult person is, who the Persecutor is, and who needs to change before we can feel at peace.
But what if the division itself is one of the great obstacles of our time? What if, instead of only reacting to it, we asked how we might make use of it?
If we hold obstacles and division as an opportunity to clarify what we believe, it can invite us to ask: What do I stand for? What values do I want to live by, even when others don’t agree? What kind of presence do I want to bring into a polarized world?
These questions move us beyond choosing sides. They ask us to look inward, becoming more conscious of our assumptions, fears, judgments, and values.
In TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)®, we often say it is not what happens to us that matters most — it is how we respond. That is where our power of choosing lies.
From Victim consciousness, division becomes evidence that everything is falling apart, feeling hopeless and powerless. Those who disagree with us become enemies or Persecutors. We may feel helpless, angry, or morally superior.
From Creator consciousness, we don’t deny the seriousness of the division. We tell the truth about it, feel the sorrow or frustration it stirs, and then ask: What is this teaching me? What values are becoming clearer? What response is mine to choose?
Making use of obstacles does not mean accepting injustice or staying silent in the face of harm. It means responding from our values rather than our uncomfortable feelings and reactivity — letting the challenge help clarify our values with compassion, and commitment.
A few questions to ponder this week:
What obstacle is most troubling to you right now?
How is it helping you clarify what you believe?
What values do you want to embody in the face of these obstacles?
What is one Baby Step you can take that reflects the kind of world you want to help create?
We cannot control all the conflict and division around us. But we can choose how we meet it. We can use it as the yeast. We can use the horsefly. We can use even the obstacles of our time as material for what wants to emerge in us and our world.
Until next time, here’s to the Creator in you,
Donna
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