Learn to Appreciate What Challenges You:

TED* Team · October 3, 2025

Valuable Lessons May Be Hidden in the Very Situations That Trouble You Most

There’s a story about a spiritual community in France led by an influential and inspiring monk. Within this community lived an old man who was irritable, messy, argumentative, and overall, very difficult to be around. No one could get along with him, and his presence was a constant source of tension. After many frustrating months of trying to remain with the group, the old man finally gave up and left for Paris.

The monk followed him and tried to convince him to return, but the old man refused many times. Finally the monk offered him a generous monthly stipend if he would come back to the community. The man saw no reason to refuse the money, so he returned.

When the difficult man walked in, everyone in the community was stunned to hear that he was being paid to live there while they had to pay for their rooms and board. The community was outraged.

Sensing the growing unrest, the monk called everyone together. After hearing their complaints, he laughed and exclaimed, “This old man is like yeast for bread. Without him, you would never really learn about anger, irritability, patience, and compassion. That is why you asked me to lead this community—and why I hired him to return. Life’s challenges are the ‘yeast’ for your psycho-spiritual growth.”Like the members of that community, we often fail to recognize that our difficulties are opportunities to learn how to live with one another as human beings. Each time a challenge arises—whether within our families, our cultures, or our communities—it is an opportunity to grow and to respond from our higher, more spiritual Creator self.

As I write this, I can’t help but chuckle, because I know how often in recent months since David’s sudden death, I have wished my challenges would simply disappear. From grief to family difficulties, and from managing daily responsibilities to facing the heartbreak of global violence and hate, I have caught myself wondering: “How could this possibly be an opportunity to learn?”Yet if we didn’t have the angry man in the community teaching us how to be with the full range of human experiences, we wouldn’t continue to grow. How, then, do we learn to embrace these challenges? Can you see the possibility that valuable lessons may be hidden within the very situations that trouble you most?

I came across another story this week, this time about Abraham Lincoln, the celebrated American president. Lincoln was known for including in his cabinet advisors who disagreed with him. One member often challenged or disrupted his decisions. If Lincoln supported an issue, this advisor opposed it.

A friend finally asked Lincoln why he didn’t replace this troublemaker with someone more agreeable. Lincoln’s answer came in the form of a story:“One day I was walking down a country road and came upon a farmer plowing his field with a horse-drawn plow. As I drew near to greet him, I noticed a large horsefly biting the horse. I started to brush it away, but the farmer stopped me. ‘Don’t do that, friend,’ he said. ‘That horsefly is the only thing keeping this old horse moving.’”Lincoln understood that opposition, irritation, and even outright conflict can be necessary for movement. Without it, there can be stagnation. The horsefly, as annoying as it was, kept the horse moving forward. And sometimes the people in our lives who irritate us the most are the very ones who push us into greater clarity and strength.

Think about your own life. Can you recall times when you couldn’t see the value of someone who challenged you—or of a situation that felt unbearable? Often, it takes hindsight to recognize the hidden gift. Looking back, I know my life would have seemed easier without certain difficult people or frustrating circumstances. But I can also see that those very experiences became my greatest teachers.

In the TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® framework, one of our core principles is that it’s not what happens to us that matters most—it’s how we respond. That is where our power lies. The troublesome person, the irritating situation, the unexpected loss or setback—each may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

Here are a few questions to help you turn challenges into learning opportunities this week:

• What challenges are you currently facing? List two or three that come immediately to mind.
• Can you embrace the lessons within them? What qualities are they calling forth in you—patience, courage, humility, compassion?
• Can you redirect your focus? Notice what you do want that is becoming clear to you precisely because of what you don’t want.

These questions are not meant to minimize pain or dismiss hardship. They are meant to reframe our relationship with the challenges life inevitably places before us. When we embrace difficulties as opportunities for our own rising, we move from Victim to Creator.

You can make opposition work for you. After all, there is no light without shadow.

Until next time, here’s to the Creator in you.