Less Judging, More Listening: What I Learned from My Time in Politics

TED* Team · December 12, 2025

In the world of politics, the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) triangle is on full display. No matter one’s political persuasion, applying the drama triangle framework can help explain how easy it is to become emotional when having political conversations. If there’s a conflict, one side often sees the other as a Persecutor, casts itself as the Victim, and rallies supporters to “rescue” the nation. The specifics change, but the story stays the same: We are right; they are wrong. We are threatened; they must be stopped.

As a young woman, I served six years in the Oregon State Legislature and later ran as my party’s nominee for Secretary of State. Altogether, nearly fifteen years of my life were spent in the intense arena of partisan politics. I entered public service believing deeply in its nobility—that elected leaders, when guided by integrity and care, could serve the common good.

After losing that statewide race, I often quipped that I was suffering from post-partisan depression. It was a humorous way to name something painful: the growing realization that our political culture was shifting from solving important problems to point-scoring. Even then I could feel how judgment, blame, and outrage were beginning to overshadow listening, collaboration, and working together to solve real problems.

Years after leaving politics, I worked with David to develop the Center for The Empowerment Dynamic. Understanding the nature of the DDT roles helped me to name and understand how easy it is to get caught up in the judging and criticizing of those who have different opinions than I do.

When our political culture normalizes judgment, we internalize it. We start seeing the world through the same harsh lens—quick to categorize, slow to understand. Judgment offers the illusion of control, but it shrinks our capacity to see others as the Creators they are.

Judgment is the Persecutor’s language. It’s how we protect ourselves when we feel powerless. Yet in reality, it only deepens our sense of separation. We cannot judge and connect at the same time.

In the language of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)®, judgment keeps us stuck in the Victim mindset. The shift to the Creator stance begins when we notice our judgment and choose openness and curiosity instead.

Listening is the first step out of the DDT. It is how we move from reactivity to relationship.

When I think back to my time in the legislature, the moments of greatest progress never came from clever debate or political strategy. They came when someone—sometimes across the aisle—was willing to truly listen. Listening created space for possibility to establish policy and a way forward. Afterall, the root of the word politics is “policy”. Therefore, politics should be the art of policy making by working with all voices and perspectives.

In a culture of political noise, listening is a revolutionary act. It doesn’t require agreement, but it does require humility—the willingness to say, I may not have the whole picture.Listening is how we reclaim our shared humanity. It slows reactivity, invites empathy, and reminds us that every opinion hides a longing, every argument conceals a fear.

If you’d like to practice this shift in your daily life—especially in the emotionally charged situations at work, listening to the news or maybe a difficult relationship—try these powerful yet simple Creator moves:

1. Notice the inner judge. Become aware of the commentary running in your mind, about others, about yourself, about world events. Awareness alone begins to dissolve the hold judgements may have on you.
2. Pause and breathe. Before responding, take three deeper, and slower breaths, bringing your attention to your heart area. That single pause invites your Creator essence back online.
3. Listen for values beneath opinions. Every strong belief is protecting something precious—safety, fairness, belonging. Listen for that underlying value, even when you disagree.

These small actions restore the flow of connection, both within and between us. We often say we want our leaders to rise above judgment, to work together, to listen.But from my experience change rarely begins at the top.

If political systems are trapped in the DDT, the transformation must begin with us. We must be the ones to lead the way out of drama and polarization. In a time when outrage has become currency, listening is not passive action. It is courageous collaboration. When one person chooses curiosity over condemnation, the field around them changes. The collective DDT begins to loosen its grip, one conversation at a time.

When we practice less judgment and more listening, we become living demonstrations of The Empowerment Dynamic. We shift from Victims of politics to Creators of culture. We model the leadership we long for.

My dream has always been that the nobility of public service will one day return to our shared vision of leadership—leaders guided by humility, courage, and a love for a world that works for all, rather than the few.

So as this year draws to a close, may we each practice the kind of leadership we wish to see:less judging, more listening, and the humble courage to stay open even when the world feels divided.

Hope to see you in our Creator Community. Until next time, here’s to the Creator in you.

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