Activating Your Coach Essence: Trusting Your Wisdom Within
I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was sitting in front of my coaching-school classmatesmore than twenty-five years ago. It was my turn to practice a live coaching demonstration with the instructor, and halfway…
I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was sitting in front of my coaching-school classmatesmore than twenty-five years ago. It was my turn to practice a live coaching demonstration with the instructor, and halfway through, I froze.
My mind was spinning, searching for the right advice to give. My professional experience as a mental-health nurse suddenly took over with years of diagnosing, prescribing, and trying to fix what was wrong. In that moment, I realized how uncomfortable I was with not knowing what to say or do.
It was humbling and it took that experience in coaching school to realize that I liked givingadvice. But that day I learned that the true essence of the Coach role is not about advice at all. It is about deep listening, curiosity, and faith in the other person’s capacity to discover what is best for them. That was the moment I began to understand what I now call inner authority—the wisdom and intelligence that lives within every human being.
A Coach’s sacred partnership is to help others activate that inner authority.
The Coach is the third role in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)®, balancing the Creator and Challenger energies. Where the Creator takes responsibility for what they want to create, and the Challenger brings truth and learning, the Coach brings curiosity and compassionate presence.
Together, these three energies express the best of our humanity and path to personalempowerment.
The Coach is the antidote to the Rescuer role in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). Both the Rescuer and the Coach want to support others, but the quality of that support is very different.
The Rescuer operates from a desire to feel good if they can be helpful or fix the problem. The Coach acts from trust and the willingness to rest in uncertainty while another discovers their own path.
When we shift from Rescuer to Coach, we move from doing for others to being with others.
The Rescuer sees others as broken or helpless; the Coach sees others as whole and capable. This subtle but profound shift changes everything about how we show up in our relationships, our leadership, and our inner life.
Just as there is an outer Coach who listens and supports others, there is an inner Coach who listens and supports us. The inner Coach helps us stay centered when we are reactive,uncertain, or self-critical.
I once worked with a seasoned executive who was painfully hard on herself. She felt bothpersecuted by her inner critic and victimized by her own self-judgment. In our conversation, she realized that her constant busyness—helping others, fixing, pleasing—was her way of avoiding that inner tension. She suddenly saw it: “Oh my goodness,” she said, “that’s the Rescuer in me trying to rescue myself! That’s how I became such a helper.”That’s the power of the inner Coach—to help us see the patterns within that keep us locked in the DDT. When we pause and turn our curiosity inward, we start coaching ourselves instead of rescuing ourselves.
The inner Coach asks questions like, What am I avoiding? What part of me isasking for rest, or compassion right now?
The outer Coach extends that same curiosity and compassion to others. Instead of rushing to fill silence with advice, the outer Coach trusts that the other person is already in conversation with their own inner wisdom. Our role is to create space and support for that wisdom to emerge.
Whether or not you are a professional coach, these three beliefs can guide anyone who wants to live from their Coach essence.
- I have faith in the wisdom that lies within each human being.
The Coach trusts that every person already holds the answers they need, even if those answers are still forming. Coaching is an act of faith in the unfolding intelligence of life. When we hold others as whole and capable, they begin to see themselves that way.
- I trust the discovery process. A Coach embraces curiosity and learns to rest in the “not knowing.” Instead of rushing to fix or control, we hold space for what is still emerging. Trusting the process means honoring the sacred tension between where we are and where we desire to be. As clarity arises, we partner in discerning the next baby step forward.
- I leave the power with others as they clarify what they want. A Coach never takes the pen out of another person’s hand. We might offer reflections or questions, but we don’t write their story. When people discover their own answers, they also discover their own power. That moment of self-discovery is the spark of Creator energy. At its core, the Coach energy is deeply spiritual. It arises from trust in the Creator essence that lives within all beings. To coach is to believe in life’s innate intelligence—an unseen force guiding each person toward greater wholeness.
When I look back on that early coaching-school moment, I smile with gratitude. My impulse to give advice was rooted in good intentions, but it came from a subtle belief that others needed me to fix them. Today, when I feel the urge to jump in or take over, I pause and ask myself, “How do I see this person? Do I see them as a Creator or as someone who needs saving which would justify my Rescuer role?” That one question always brings me back to my Coach essence.
The Coach energy calls us to believe in others more than they may believe in themselves. Itinvites us to slow down, to trust the process, and to rest in the sacred not-knowing wherewisdom quietly reveals itself.
Until next time, here’s to the Creator in you.The Creator CommunityA membership space to deepen your practice of The Empowerment Dynamic—with others committed to the same work.
Hosted by Donna Zajonc. Sponsored by the Center for The Empowerment Dynamic.
What's included:
- Monthly live calls with Donna (first Thursday, 8 AM Pacific)
- Exclusive blog posts, content, and mini teaching videos
- A peer forum to connect with fellow Creators
- Weekly practical TED* tips
- Early access to what's coming next for the Center
$14.99/month or $149/year (save 17% annually)Less than $15/month for a deeper, ongoing connection to TED*—with weekly guidance and a community to support you.
This is for people ready to move from learning about TED* to living it.
Sign-up opens mid-December. We hope you'll join us. Registration link coming soon.