This Creator’s Imposter Syndrome
Last week, I ( David ) was a participant in a gathering of friends and colleagues. We explored the ups and downs of living and working as consciously as possible, even in a world full of chaos and rapid changes. At one…
Last week, I (David) was a participant in a gathering of friends and colleagues. We explored the ups and downs of living and working as consciously as possible, even in a world full of chaos and rapid changes.
At one point we were invited to reflect upon our limiting beliefs, old stories, or personal habits that might block our Creator essence. In the middle of our circle was a “refiner’s fire” and we spoke aloud, placing those limiting beliefs into the fire.
I stood, walked to the center, and threw into the fire the felt sense of my limiting belief. “I am a fraud,” I said aloud.
It was a release and relief to give voice to my experience of the Imposter Syndrome, which I have faced over and over in the years since the publication of The Power of TED*.
One overview of the Imposter Syndrome describes it this way:
“Imposter Syndrome (IS) is a psychological phenomenon that causes high-achieving people to feel like a fraud, despite evidence of their success. People with IS may experience self-doubt, anxiety… and apprehension of being exposed. They may also have difficulty internalizing their success and may attribute it to luck… or other factors.”
Many, many people hear this inner voice from time to time. I have danced with a few of the qualities of IS, including:
- Feeling unworthy of accomplishments or receiving attention from others.
- This is a big one when the voice arises in me. Yes, I have been blessed to have had the original epiphany that eventually led to TED* and our work through the Center for The Empowerment Dynamic. But have I always and in all situations lived from my Creator essence? Not by a long shot.
- In addition, I often found myself evading personal compliments because I know that TED* is not about me, or Donna, or our Trainer and coaching community—it is about raising awareness that there is an alternative to drama in our lives. (In the first edition of the book, I would not even allow my picture to be on the cover!)
- The fear of being “found out.”
- This is the basis of the “I am a fraud” statement. Most of the time I feel authentic, but there have been times that I say to myself, “If they only knew how reactive I can be.”
- Procrastination.
- This may seem like an odd one, but when the Imposter Syndrome voice is activated, I put things off because I am afraid it will not be good enough (like writing this blog right now!).
We have written about the “Inner DDT” and the part of us that engages the Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer roles within ourselves. As I explore my own experience, it is the syndrome that is often the source of my inner drama.
The “voice” of IS becomes the Persecutor to my inner Victim who feels unworthy. Reacting to that dynamic, it is easy to turn to a Rescuer and numb my Victim feelings. It could be spending hours on a video game on my iPad or an extra glass of wine. I have many ways of numbing out—as we all do.
Slowly I am learning to reframe my relationship with that voice—that “part” of me that exists in my complex makeup as a human being. When it arises now, I do not try to numb or deny it. Instead, I acknowledge, allow, and accept that it is a part of me—and see it as a Challenger. I inquire into what it is trying to teach me or guide me to a new awareness.
If you experience episodes of the Imposter Syndrome, know that you are not alone. Letting others know you feel it—as I did last week—can be an important baby step toward accepting it as a part of you, so it no longer blocks your Creator essence.