The “Do-Over” Practice
Watching a young toddler play the “peek-a-boo” game is such joy. It’s the laughter and connection that elicits the giggles each time the toddler yells, “Do it again!”Wouldn’t it be great if you could take a “do-over”…
Watching a young toddler play the “peek-a-boo” game is such joy. It’s the laughter and connection that elicits the giggles each time the toddler yells, “Do it again!”Wouldn’t it be great if you could take a “do-over” moment when you have said something you didn’t mean, or you made a mistake you want to correct? It is possible that you could declare, “Time out—I want to take a do-over!” to your co-workers or family or store clerk and start again.
Unfortunately, we often hear that people can become even more self-critical after they learn about TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)®. They tell us that, with their awareness of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and the “antidote” TED* roles of Creator, Challenger, and Coach, they believe they should be able to stop themselves from slipping into these toxic roles. The do-over practice helps release that pressure.Donna was recently with her five-year-old granddaughter who was playfully coloring a picture of a bird she had drawn. Suddenly she declared, “Oops. I’m going to draw this one over.” How wonderful it is to be in the presence of children who are playful and creative, not taking themselves so seriously, and who give themselves permission to start again.
Visualize for a moment what it would be like to work and live in environments when there’s full permission to start again. What if our cultures encouraged and invited everyone (even politicians, heaven forbid!) to say, “I got that wrong. I am going to start again and do that over.” The added benefit is that when you take a do-over, it encourages and invites others around you to also take a do-over.
Embracing a do-over philosophy gives you space to keep practicing and can reduce being discouraged if your reactive habits keep coming up. It’s like pushing a reset button that can magically set you on a new course with a lot less pain and suffering. Plus, taking a do-over can inspire you to be kind to yourself when you go reactive and fall into the DDT.
There may be many reasons why you become triggered and react without thinking. You may catch yourself being judgmental of a fellow co-worker, instead of seeing them as a Creator. Or you may fall into trying to fix or change someone by adopting the role of Rescuer and doing for them what they could do for themselves.
Just noticing when drama gets going is a huge step forward. When you can pause, and say, “I will do this over. I am going to try again.” This relieves you of the pressure and grandiose expectations by just starting over. Whatever your focus and desire, give yourself the gift of space and grace to begin again.
Developing a do-over practice will nurture your willingness to stay focused on the outcomes you want in your life. Here’s a few suggestions to help you cultivate your do-over practice:
- Notice as you get drawn into the DDT. What are the circumstances or situation? Just notice, rather than judge. What can you say or do differently when those times arise?
- Or, if the time has passed, look back and take responsibility for what you have done or said and identify a way you could have been more empowering to yourself and others.
- Then, if possible, call a personal do-over and begin again with a new attitude of compassion and openness and responsibility.
Adopting a beginner’s mind and a child-like attitude will help you to start again with a playful approach. This will build your resilience and give you energy to keep moving forward. All human beings want to grow. Practicing do-overs will give you the space and opportunity to be the person you want to be.