Applying TED* to Youth Sports
How TED* Helps Teach Character and Not Just Athletic Skills By Donna Zajonc with guest Michael McElhenie, Ph. D. “ Last week I told the story of when I learned to play Pickleball and applied TED* to help me through…
How TED* Helps Teach Character and Not Just Athletic Skills
By Donna Zajonc with guest Michael McElhenie, Ph.
D.
“Last week I told the story of when I learned to play Pickleball and applied TED* to help me through feeling awkward and uncomfortable. This week, longtime colleague and sports psychologist Michael McElhenie shares a case study of applying TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) when working with a youth hockey team. Michael shares practical tips of how to apply TED* with players and coaches.”
By Michael McElhenie, Ph.
D.
Note: The team's name has been changed to protect anonymity.
The Colorado Hawks, a team of 12-and 13-year-old hockey players, had worked hard all season to become one of the most competitive teams in their league. They entered the regional playoffs with confidence, a history of success, and strong team chemistry. But after two unexpected losses to a bigger, more physical opponent—the Falcons—the Hawks were in trouble.
What followed was more than frustration. Players began blaming each other. Anxiety showed up on the ice and in the locker room. Zach, the goalie, internalized mistakes and carried the weight of every goal scored against him. Liam, the captain, lashed out at teammates. Even Coach Brunner, usually steady, slid into a protective mode, trying to shield his players rather than challenge them to rise.
The Hawks were unraveling. What had once been a cohesive group was caught in destructive cycles of blame, helplessness, and overprotection. Recognizing the deeper psychological dynamics, Coach Brunner reached out to me for support. Together, we set out the following morning to help the team shift its mindset and find a new way to handle pressure.
At the heart of this shift was TED*, a framework that contrasts two approaches: the reactive Drama Triangle of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer, and the creative alternatives of Creator, Challenger, and Coach. Victims feel powerless, Persecutors control through criticism, and Rescuers fix problems but undermine growth. In contrast, Creators take ownership, Challengers set high expectations with support, and Coaches empower others to find their own solutions.
The Hawks’ struggles mapped perfectly onto the drama roles. Zach felt like a Victim, Liam became a Persecutor, and Coach Brunner slipped into Rescuer mode. The challenge was to pivot the team toward empowerment.
I introduced the boys to the models with simple diagrams and relatable stories. I asked three core questions: Where are you putting your focus—on the problem or the outcome? How are you relating to others—in drama roles or empowerment roles? What actions are you taking—reactive or intentional?
The players practiced recognizing their default roles and tried new ones. Instead of collapsing into blame, they experimented with being Creators by naming what they wanted to create in the next game. Instead of criticizing teammates, they learned to act as Challengers by asking growth-oriented questions. And instead of rescuing, they tried out the role of Coach—supporting without taking over responsibility.
Each player set a personal outcome for the next game, committed to a relational stance, and devised a simple phrase or cue to steady themselves under pressure.
The transformation was visible in Game 3.
When Zach let in an early goal, he didn’t spiral. He repeated his self-coaching phrase, reset, and played with renewed focus. Liam shifted from barking orders to asking teammates what they were seeing on the ice. Across the team, communication improved. Players encouraged one another with affirming words, and mistakes were acknowledged without shame or embarrassment.
The Hawks played with new energy and clarity. They won the game, but more importantly, they did so by trusting each other and playing with intention rather than fear.
The lessons didn’t stop there. In the following weeks, Coach Brunner and I reinforced TED* in practices and team debriefs. The language of Creator, Coach, and Challenger became part of the team’s culture. Players began using it not only on the ice but in their everyday lives.
Reflecting on the experience, Coach Brunner said, “I came to see that mindset is a skill set. TED* gave us a system to coach character, not just hockey skills.”The Hawks’ journey demonstrates the power of reframing how young athletes perceive pressure and responsibility. By providing them with a framework for emotional awareness and relationships, the team transitioned from blame and anxiety to ownership and resilience. By practicing the roles of Coach and Challenger, they strengthened their trust and connection.
Most importantly, these lessons went beyond hockey. The ability to regulate emotions, focus on outcomes, and empower others is not just a sports skill—it’s a life skill.
In youth sports, pressure is inevitable. But pressure doesn’t have to fracture a team. With the right tools, it can forge resilience and growth. The Colorado Hawks discovered that while they couldn’t control everything on the ice, they could maintain their in-the-moment focus, their relationships, and their responses.
That discovery allowed them to play with courage and confidence. And in the process, they learned a lesson that will serve them long after their hockey days are over: empowerment is a choice.Dr. Michael McElhenie is a psychologist, coach, and author whose work bridges organizational psychology, sports psychology, and mental health therapy. His approach includes the TED* framework. Learn more at his website: www.exultsports.com or email michael@exultsports.comUntil next time, here’s to the Creator in you.