The 3 N’s – Notice, Name, and Normalize

TED* Team · July 11, 2024

Have you ever been so upset that you feel like you are “losing your mind?” With all that is happening in the world today, many people feel they are not thinking straight and can easily get caught up in their reactive habits.

This can happen when your frontal cortex—the part of your brain that controls your ability to think clearly and communicate effectively—can go offline when you are overly stressed or emotional, leaving you without your ability to make good decisions.

There are practices, however, that act like a “circuit breaker” to your reactive flight-flight, drama-filled reactions. The 3 N’s can equip you to cool your reactive habits and return you to a calmer state of wholeness and insight.

The 3 N’s are: Notice, Name, and Normalize.

• The first step to change just about anything is to first notice the pattern. Noticing something requires a part of you to look at that pattern from a distance. When you notice it, you are no longer fully immersed in that pattern itself, because a different part of you is simply looking at it. This all-important first step loosens the grip the situation has on you and allows you to see it from a new perspective.
• The second step is to describe or name the situation. This step is often called, “name it to tame it” made popular by psychiatrist and researcher, Dr. Dan Siegel. Finding words to describe your situation activates your executive brain. For example, saying mentally "I am feeling angry" or "I have a tight ball of nerves in my gut" helps tame the intensity of your emotions. I, Donna, have added to this step “name it to claim it”. When you notice and add language to describe a situation, you are beginning to take responsibility for your part. You are claiming your contribution and interrupt feeling like a Victim to the circumstances.
• The third step is to normalize. If you are in a challenging situation, becoming more aware of your reactive tendencies can become self-condemnation (the inner-Persecutor!) rather than self-reflection. Normalizing helps you avoid self-criticism or blame that often arises during a reactive moment. It is part of human nature to stumble and forget the commitments you’ve made to transform a habit you want to change. In other words, give yourself a break and start again. You are normal. You are a human being.

Applying the 3 N’s will give you a greater capacity to choose your response in the moment. This is when stepping into the TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)^® roles of Creator, Challenger, and Coach become possible.

Here’s a brief example of how you might apply the 3 N’s:A family member recently accused you of not listening when they were trying to share something that had happened. You interrupted their story and said, “Why did you do that?” Feeling shut down, they left the room in a huff.

Step 1. Notice the feedback you received and what you did or did not do. Simply notice with as much objectivity as possible.

Step 2. Name what happened. “I have been focusing on being a good listener, but I got concerned by what they were sharing. I interrupted them and didn’t listen very well.”Step 3. Normalize. In this step recommit yourself to your desire to listen deeply without judgment or blame. Give yourself a break, re-commit, and begin again.

As a human being, you face the same fears and hurts that come from unconscious reactive habits even when you have committed to altering them. The 3 N’s can help you transform your reactive habits, so you fully realize and activate your Creator essence.