Speaking With Empowered Language
Words carry energy. By listening to your language, you can increase your awareness of unconscious speech patterns that may keep you trapped in old and disempowering stories about yourself. It…
Words carry energy. By listening to your language, you can increase your awareness of unconscious speech patterns that may keep you trapped in old and disempowering stories about yourself.
It matters what you say to yourself and to others. Your brain doesn’t know any better; it was designed to believe what you tell it. By paying attention to the words that come out of your mouth, you gain insight into how you are relating to yourself and to life. Once you begin to hear your speech patterns and hold them lightly—with compassion and curiosity—you can choose language that evokes empowering relationship with both yourself and the world around you.
One primary shift that quite literally could change your life is shifting from “I have to” to “I choose to.” Here are a few common “I have to” statements:
I have to get through all these emails before I can relax.
I have to go to this meeting, even though it’s a waste of time.
I have to make dinner for everyone even though I’ve had a long day.
My parents raised me (this) for this opportunity, so I have to take this job.
I have to somehow help fix this troubled world.
Now insert “I choose to” in each of those statements. Feel the difference in energy? “I choose to”, is the foundational language of personal empowerment. When you say, “I have to”, it signals obligation and gives your power away to circumstances, events, or other people. When you shift from “I have to” to “I choose to,” your energy changes. You take ownership of your intention and your personal power.
You may still choose to do those things—or choose not to—but now it is your choice. Adopting “I want to” or “I will” also keeps you in empowering energy.
Depending on how it’s used, the word “just” can also be disempowering. You might say, “I just have one point,” or “I just want to say something.” Say those sentences out loud. Can you feel how “just” diminishes the importance of what you want to share? It subtly signals to others that your contribution isn’t very important.
The word “but” has a similar effect. When you use “but” in a sentence, you often discount what came before it. For example: “You did a nice job on that project, but I don’t like the way you…” The listener tends to hear only the criticism, not the compliment. When you drop the “but,” you make a clear and complete statement: “You did a nice job on that project.” If you have additional feedback, ask permission to share it, and then offer it without diminishing the positive.
Words like “actually” and “maybe” can also weaken your message. Repeatedly using them can make your communication sound tentative and uncertain, signaling that you might settle for less than what you truly want.
For example: “Actually, I don’t want to bother you, so maybe you could just get back to me when you have a chance.” Notice how this softens your request. You can make the same point with clarity and confidence by removing the qualifiers and speaking more directly.
These phrases often reflect a sense of being trapped or powerless—aligned with the Victim role, the central role in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). When you notice yourself using them, pause and reflect. What are you telling yourself? Are there limiting beliefs underneath the words? You may not like the choices available to you, and (not but!) you always have a choice about how to respond given the situation.
The language you choose may reinforce old, reactive narratives about yourself, or it can open a doorway to a more conscious and empowering message. Over time, small shifts in language can rewire how you see yourself and how you relate to others. When you consistently choose words that reflect ownership, intention, and possibility you interrupt a disempowering narrative that life happens “to me,” making room for the belief that life happens “for me” to learn and grow.
By becoming aware of your language, you deepen your understanding of the beliefs behind your words. When you speak with empowered language, you signal that you trust your own authority. You align with the part of you that knows your true essence, your Creator self. From that place, your speech naturally taps into a more generative and empowering energy — one that supports you in creating the life you truly want.
Until next time, here’s to the Creator in you.
Donna
