You Don’t Have to Believe Your Negative Thoughts
We humans have thousands of tedious and ongoing thoughts happening all day. Psychologists have shown that the human mind has over 60,000 thoughts each day and often most of those thoughts are negative. Thank goodness you don’t have to believe all your thoughts!
The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer help explain how we relate to other people and circumstance when we are in conflict. What is sometimes overlooked is the “Inner DDT” and the relationship we have within ourselves.
We all have an inner Persecutor, sometimes referred to as the inner critic. By whatever name, it is that part of your mind which creates an idea of how it thinks the world should be. It’s never satisfied with situations as they are. Rarely are things good enough, so it regularly says nasty things about life and reserves its worst comments about how you are leading your own life.
The inner Persecutor almost always means well. It’s trying to protect you from something or even someone. Its intention is to be helpful and guide you toward what is safe and secure. That’s its job, but how it talks to you is rarely helpful.
If you give your inner Persecutor authority by believing what it has to say, you will create personal misery for yourself. The energy it takes to manage its imposing voice can be exhausting and will drain energy away from what you really care about.
The key is to hear and acknowledge the voice, but not take it as truth. Observing your internal conversation is different than judging it. Judging is about determining what is right or wrong, positive or negative, and that debate will strengthen its resolve to be heard. Once you free yourself from judging what is right or wrong, your capacity to be with life, as it is, will expand.
When you are not conscious of your thoughts that lurk underneath the surface of your awareness, you literally risk being at war with yourself and sabotaging what you want to create. Being unaware of your internal conversation helps explain why you may suddenly get triggered by something or someone.
Being more self-aware in the moment can help you have your emotions, rather than your emotions having you. When your emotions have you, that’s the mechanism that can trigger you to “go reactive.”
How do you redirect this negative self-chatter? Criticizing yourself doesn’t help. Self-criticism creates a negative loop and makes the persecuting thoughts even worse!
One simple, but not always easy, practice is to lighten up and use humor. It might sound like this: “Hello inner Persecutor. I hear you loud and clear, but it is time for you to take a rest for a while. I have things to do and places to go. I will get back to you later.”
Donna actually visualizes the DDT character inside a gift-wrapped box and sets the package on a shelf for the time being. It is amazing how that drama-filled voice quiets down once she acknowledges it and playfully sets it aside.
It is your Creator essence, the foundational role in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® that challenges the internal DDT voices to go silent for a while. By summoning your Creator voice to come forward, your innate goodness naturally emerges. This taps into the positive, true essence of who you really are.
You don’t have to believe all your negative thoughts. You can learn to acknowledge and then set aside the drama voices. They will most likely return later but, for now, with a little humor and a light-hearted approach, you can go on creating your day.