Victimized by Hope
The emotion of hope is one of the most important and positive emotions available to human beings. When facing difficult times, hope keeps us moving forward. But for many, hope has been especially elusive the last couple of years. Everyone is asking, “Where’s the hope?”
In troubling times, it is common to look to the future and fantasize about how we want things to change, or at least get back to “normal.” Dreaming and hoping for a better tomorrow can give us hope, but it can also unknowingly put off our happiness, hoping for a better future than the life we have today.
When you create a new vision and desired outcome for your life, hope absolutely can give you energy to generate it. That is the positive side of hope. But being overly invested in “hoping” can, ironically, also keep you in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT). When this happens, we call it being “victimized by hope.”
Here’s how it works. Without realizing it, the hopeful vision may become a silent cloud hanging over you. You may hear a subtle voice that says, “I want that amazing job so much, but it feels so far-off and impossible. I guess I am stuck in this job I hate forever.”
To relieve your suffering, you may double-down and tell yourself that, if you stay hopeful, the universe will provide and will Rescue you from your current situation. Having a drama relationship with hope means you can feel victimized by your hoped-for vision—unknowingly holding it as a Persecutor to the present while still clinging to it as a Rescuer in the future. You literally can be in all three DDT roles with hope, at the same time!
How could this be? How could a positive emotion become so heavy? It all happens in your thinking.
It is impossible for you to experience anything without your thinking being involved. But your thinking can be so unconscious and elusive that you don’t realize you have created your own personal drama triangle! We call it your “Inner DDT.”
Because it goes unnoticed, the subtle nature of giving your power and happiness to future circumstances can easily cause a mistaken understanding of how you create your own life. When you don’t realize this fact, you can fall into a trap of believing that outside circumstances determine your success or happiness. Said another way, you are at the mercy of life’s events, which is the classic definition of a Victim.
The shift from Victim to Creator, which is the central shift in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)®, begins by taking responsibility for your thoughts and taking action today and not giving your personal power away to the future.
Consistently placing your attention and thoughts upon a positive future, without taking action, can actually disempower you. This happens because being overly invested in the future distracts and drains your energy from what is yours to do, today.
Instead, engage with what is in front of you now. Tell yourself the truth about your current reality—both that which challenges the future you want to create AND what supports you to move forward. Take responsibility and transform the energy you spend on hoping and wishing into taking action by taking the Baby Steps toward the life you desire to create…today.
We want to again affirm the positive aspects of hope. Having a desired outcome you care about, evokes hope and possibility. It is when you become overly attached to the hope alone, without getting into action, that your hope may work against you.
If you use hope to avoid acting, engage now. Don’t wait. Turn someday into now.
