Trusting the Struggle

TED* Team · June 25, 2025

Even When It's Super Annoying

If you’re alive today, it’s likely that you’re struggling in some way. Never mind the global wars, wildfires—OMG, the list of struggles is so long! But today I’m writing about personal, everyday struggles that seem harder than usual to figure out.

This week, the one that nearly brought me to tears was trying to get my online printer reconnected to my computer. A small thing, right? My gosh, it was so annoying! And the amount of time it took to reconnect all the devices felt like a mortal sin.

Of course, there have been deeper struggles, too. The past two months have been filled with grief and challenge after David’s sudden passing, along with everything involved in managing his end-of-life affairs and keeping our company thriving. So, when I sat down to write this blog, the phrase “trust the struggle” kept repeating in my mind.

Even that was annoying—because I really didn’t want to accept the struggles.

Gradually, I began to realize there’s often a kind of friction between what I want and what is trying to emerge. Even with the little things, like the printer. The idea that struggle isn’t proof that something is wrong—but rather, evidence that I care—helped me start to trust that something must be gestating beneath the surface.

Struggle shows me that something matters. I’m reaching for something, and the struggle is inviting me to clarify what it is.

What makes it worse is when I let my inner critic take over. When I start to feel stuck, I often pile on self-judgment: Why can’t I figure this out? Will it always be this way?That’s when the Drama Triangle shows up and I fall into Victim mode. I label the problem I’m struggling with as the Persecutor, and sometimes I numb myself with sweets or another glass of wine as the Rescuer trying to get away from uncomfortable feelings.

Sound familiar?

But here’s the shift. There’s another part of me that steps back and observes it all. That’s what we call our inner Creator, the central role in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic). You can call it your observer, your witness, or your higher self. Whatever you call it, it’s the part of us that notices the struggle, rather than being stuck in it, and helps us leverage it for growth and learning.

Lately, I’ve come to see that struggle is a mirror. It reflects back what really matters—often in ways that immediate clarity never could. This is where my intellect and inner wisdom become allies. Even in the messiness of emotion, I’m learning to trust that another part of me knows what’s going on.

I’ve also learned that struggle invites me to focus, ask for help, and feel capable. You’d think I would have mastered that by now—and honestly, I do when it comes to the bigger areas of life—but it’s the everyday annoying struggles that remind me what to let go of and what to stay present to.(The printer is now running smoothly. Next up? Cleaning the garage. Always a struggle. But I’ve clarified that I really care about a clean garage, and suddenly I feel renewed energy.)This core shift—recognizing that I’m labeling the struggle as a problem—has changed how I talk to myself.

Instead of:“Ugh, I hate how hard this is. I just want it to be over,”I can say:“Yes, this is hard. But something new is being born. Stay with it, Donna. You’ll be glad you did. Relax a little, and more wisdom will rise.”What a difference in tone and energy when my inner-dialogue shifts. And here’s the surprising part: when I shift that inner dialogue, something actually softens. The tension relaxes. I breathe deeper. I begin to trust—not just the struggle, but myself.

I begin to believe that I can gently guide myself out of stuckness and into a more empowered mindset.

When I stay with the struggle—when I don’t flee or numb—it sharpens my clarity. It spotlights my values, my boundaries, and what I will and won’t compromise. It snaps me out of autopilot and my old patterns. Struggle invites me to pay attention with fresh eyes.

And if I stay with it (a big if), the struggle offers messages about what matters most. Each time I face it without collapsing into Victim or searching for a Rescuer, I practice breaking the challenge down into bite-sized pieces—and focusing on just the next chunk. That’s good enough for now.

Whatever you’re facing today, let the struggle be a companion, not a curse. It may feel muddy. But growth is underway. Stay with it. Breathe. Trust the struggle.

Something new is finding its way through you.

Until next time, here’s to the Creator in you.

Donna