Relax Your Mental Struggle

Anxiety and worry are emotions most of us experience at one time or another. But when worry takes over, it can become exhausting. Our minds tighten around a problem, replay possibilities, anticipate what could go wrong, and try to think our way into certainty.

In that mental struggle, it is easy to lose sight of what matters most—what we truly want to create in our lives.

When worry has us in its grip, the roles of the Drama Triangle can quickly appear. Your inner Persecutor may criticize you for being anxious in the first place: Why can’t I stop thinking about this? What’s wrong with me?

That criticism can push you further into a Victim mindset, where you feel powerless over your thoughts and circumstances. You may then look for a Rescuer—something or someone to distract you, soothe you, or make the discomfort disappear.

“Just stay busy,” you may tell yourself.  And our culture offers endless ways to numb or distract yourself from uncomfortable feelings.

But there is another possibility.

Rather than trying to force yourself to stop worrying, you can learn to relax the mental struggle around the worry.

I know this is not easy when stakes are high or there’s something I really care about.  I have recently made many changes in my life including selling our family home.  Worrying about the market and who will buy my lovely home, the work of packing, sorting and downsizing has got me into a worry cycle more times than I’d like to admit.

But what I have learned is that worry is often fear projected into the future. It imagines what might happen and then reacts as though that imagined future is already here.

Mark Twain famously said, “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

The challenge is that trying hard not to worry can become another form of worry. The mind starts struggling with itself and worries about worrying.

That is why relaxing is different from trying to “get rid of” a thought or feeling. Relaxing simply means loosening its grip. 

What has helped me is to first recognize when worry is consuming my attention and not judge it or immediately change it. Simply notice: I am worrying right now.

This recognition begins to move me out of automatic reactivity and into greater self-awareness—a quality of the Creator role in The Empowerment Dynamic.

The second step is to notice my thoughts while I am thinking them.  I’ve learned to pause for a moment and simply “listen” to my mind.  Dozens of small thoughts appear and disappear. Some become whole stories. Others vanish almost immediately.

It’s a remarkable phenomenon, and irritating at the same time.  But this is simply what human minds do. All minds. Not just yours and mine.

When you observe without immediately believing, resisting, or judging them, something begins to soften. You discover that you can have a worried thought without having to follow it.

You might simply say, There’s that worry again. Then allow it to be there without feeding it.

When I become overly attached to having life unfold exactly as I want, my mental struggle grows.  This is when remembering the truth of my Creator essence is so comforting to me.  I’ve learned to recognize the difference between what is actually happening and the story I am building around what is happening.

Instead of asking, “How do I make this worry disappear?” my reflection becomes:

“I am aware that I am worrying. I can simply be with this feeling for a few moments without resisting it.”

That shift changes the energy. Resistance often feeds worry. Acceptance gives the mind room to relax.

It is also valuable to develop a few healthy “go-to” practices that interrupt the intensity of worry.  For me taking a walk in nature helps the most.  You might choose to spend time with children who easily laugh and play.  Maybe hold a beloved pet and feel their warmth or listen to your favorite music. 

These practices are not about escaping reality. They loosen worry’s hold so you can pause and take a few slow breaths.  If your body has time to pause and breath, it sends messages to your chattering mind that you are safe and it relaxes.  

From that more relaxed place, your true self—your Creator essence—becomes available again.  And the more your conscious mind rests in your true infinite essence, the more it relaxes and its mental struggle loosens its grip.

Until next time, here’s to the Creator in you,

Donna