I Didn’t Feel So Alone Anymore
We are delighted to share this week’s TED* Works!® blog, written by one of our colleagues and 3VQ Certified Trainer, Dave Sinclair.
The first time I heard about TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® was shortly after I started my recovery journey in 2012. At the time I felt broken and lost. I was in the fast lane, trying to get a bigger house and fancier car. I was drinking too much, numbing the chronic stress from leading a company, but feeling the self-loathing that I was letting people down. It was scary as hell.
I didn’t know how to reach out for help but, thankfully, after coming out of rehabilitation I started seeing a therapist. It was a huge challenge for me to open up because I was still complaining and feeling like I was the only one with all my problems. It was about this time that a friend of mine recommended I read the book, The Power of TED*. I trusted him so I decided to give it a read and, boy, I am grateful that I read this gem of a book!
Reading the story helped me to feel normal. I was stuck in a story about my unique suffering but TED* gave me hope and I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I started acknowledging the parts of me that I could turn toward and appreciate, rather than numb and reject. I had felt like a Victim to my problems, but TED* gave me simple language to speak about what I was feeling. I began to realize that my story was one of the universal human journey.
As I consumed the pages and learned this new language of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT), I felt all the emotions of the Victim, Persecutor, and the Rescuer roles. Putting names to the roles and emotions helped me to settle the emotional rollercoaster I had been on. I had finally found a way to give language to some of the “suck” that had been keeping me stuck.
As I read more, I learned that TED* was the positive antidote to the DDT. I felt a surge of hope sparkle in me and my recovery journey grew brighter. Page by page I asked myself, “Could it be this straightforward?”
As I settled and grew in my recovery path, I asked more questions. “Beyond what is currently here with my recovery, what is it I most want to create? What it is I really want?”
Fast-forward to now, I can say that it IS that straightforward. I still experience lots of twists, turns, and often a very bumpy road. It takes constant effort, in the form of baby steps towards what I now know I want and care about.
I can say that taking that critical step to define what it is that I most want to create in the world helped me establish my “North Star.” From a practical point of view, my North Star is a combination of mini-visions and outcomes that I have captured from all the different aspects of my life. When combined, they give me a sense of well-rounded purpose and fill me with the passion to consistently take baby steps forward each day. What I most value in this world is Peace, Connection, and Contribution.
It is not always easy, but it is always worth the effort!
I liked the concepts containing the DDT and shift to TED* so much that, a few years back, I applied for and became a certified 3 Vital Questions® (3VQ) Trainer. This certification further bolstered my confidence to bring these ideas to the world.
Whether it be in a group session, or one-on-one transformational coaching, the ideas from TED* and 3VQ help others to step out of the drama that has kept them stuck and point them toward what they want to create more of in their life!
-Dave Sinclair
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