A Journey of Recovery (A Reader’s Story)
This is another installment of stories from our readers about how TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® has impacted their lives. In this story, an anonymous reader shares her journey from Victim to Creator through the experience of addiction and recovery.
When alcohol became a permanent use for my husband, I found myself accumulating anxiety, anger, and an atrophy of my own spirit. I felt victimized by his excessive use and abuse. My focus was on stopping him from drinking.
The more I tried to control his drinking, the more I felt anger toward him (the Persecutor). I was the Victim. He was a Persecutor who was creating an intolerable life for me and I wanted him to stop. At the same time, I wanted him to be a Rescuer to free me from the person I was becoming.
Finally, I realized that I would never change this situation until I created the circumstances that would change me. It was scary, and I began to use “detachment with love” to set up my life so it would be different.
I learned about TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® and I changed my role from Victim to Creator.
I was lucky enough to have Challengers in my life (certified coaches and Al-Anon). Together their support and guided questions moved me forward into making some very difficult decisions to leave.
Because I shifted my role, but did it with love and relinquished resentment, my situation changed. I did leave, temporarily. I made plans to change my life and, in doing that, my husband got the help he needed, and he has since remained sober.
Both our lives have changed because we became Creators of a new life, choosing to leave the Dreaded Drama Triangle as much as we could and move towards TED*.
I attribute this change of focus to what I learned through your wise models and also the training I received about TED*.
I hold no resentment towards my husband, nor do I dwell on the past. Both of us are moving forward. Our lives changed dramatically…in the best way possible.
By shifting my focus from Victim to Creator and using love to make that happen, I am now living the life that fulfills me. My dear husband is doing the same.
I believe the Victim role is a dangerous path, especially when addiction is the outcome. I also believe that the knowledge of TED* saved both of our lives.
Thank you for all the guidance of your work.