Victimized by Not Enough Time
In the last week most people who live in the Northern Hemisphere of the United States moved their clocks forward one hour and entered Daylight Savings Time. If you forgot to change all your clocks, you may have been confused about what time it was. I (Donna) thought I was late for an appointment, only to discover I was almost an hour early.
It has been said that the main purpose of time is to keep everything from happening at once. Time is a human “reality” that is fundamental to the way we live as human beings. How we relate to time, though, is not always positive. Here are some of the common phrases used to describe time:
- Killing time.
- Out of time.
- Racing against time.
- Wasting time.
- A devil of a time.
You may resonate with these descriptions. None of them are very empowering and even have a Victim “tone” to them. Maybe that is why we seem to time travel in our minds, worrying about the future or obsessed with something that has happened in the past.
Your thoughts about the past may focus on your mistakes, what you feel you did wrong or what others have done to you. When you time travel to the past, if you recall an unpleasant memory, you will likely conjure up the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT).
You can also access the DDT when you time travel to the future. Fantasizing about winning the lottery may be a “hoped for” Rescuer from the financial woes you perceive as a Persecutor. Traveling to the future in your mind and worrying about what will go wrong is also common.
You may resonate with this story that came to light in one of our classes. A participant shared that he thought his co-workers were persecuting him. As he shared the story, he had a sudden epiphany. He was reacting to the stress he felt about not having enough time to complete an important work project. He had confused seeing others as the problem when he realized that he was feeling persecuted by not enough “time”—not his co-workers.
He told us that once he saw how victimized he was feeling by a lack of time, he stopped complaining and started being more present to the moment. As he did this he relaxed and noticed that his creativity and productivity increased. He shifted to being more fully present to the moment and didn’t worry about the future or past complaints. He moved out of the Victim role and created a whole new and more empowering relationship with his work—in the present moment.
All you really have is the present moment.
What is your relationship with time? Do you feel persecuted by time or a lack of it? Do you time travel and live more in the future or past? Many people report their sense of time has been altered during the pandemic, feeling disoriented and even confused sometimes.
Living in the moment is one of the most difficult challenges for we humans. As one client told Donna: “I am so worried about the future, I am missing the present experience with my children and those I love.” His new reflection became: “What do I love about the moment? What am I grateful for in this very moment?”
Moving our clocks back and forth, adapting to Daylight Savings time, is a good reminder that clock time is a human creation. How you relate to time as a moment-to-moment experience is your choice. It’s time to make it an empowering one!
Henry Ulissi Jr.
March 18, 2022 @ 4:27 am
Thank you Donna, I related to the time traveling and do both the past and present and often find myself stuck spinning around in my brain because of it. Wasting hours and sometimes day’s trying to think my way out of it. It’s helpful to know I’m not alone and learn more about staying present.
April 4, 2022 @ 11:20 am
Thank you for reaching out Henry. Time traveling can be a real Challenger for all of us. Learning to catch ourselves and re-center in the now is where the big changes can happen.