Your Yes Means Nothing Unless You Can Say No!
Think back to a time when you said yes to something, but you really wanted to say no.
Reflect on how you felt in that moment.
You may have felt regret for not sticking to what you really wanted. Or, you may have felt sad and even angry, that you could not trust yourself to set healthy boundaries.
From time-to-time we all say yes to things we would rather not do, either because of the value we put in the relationship or because of a necessity that may be present. But if you often put everyone else’s needs ahead of yours and say “yes” when you really mean “no,” it is a good way to get tangled in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer.
You may feel powerless (aligned with the Victim role) to the pressure to say yes, or you may think you need to control everyone and everything (aligned with the Persecutor role). If in the Rescuer role, you may think that pleasing and constantly saying yes will create positive relationships.
Here is the paradox: You are defined by what you reject as much as what you accept. Saying no acts as a healthy boundary, rejecting what is not aligned with your values. But if you say yes to everything and everyone, how do you know what you value? How do you know what matters most to you? How do you create balance in your life?
Your yes means nothing if you can’t say no!
By saying no to something or someone, you take a stand and, in effect, set boundaries. It is the boundary that makes room for you to have, or receive, something you want. But if you do not set that boundary, then you do not stand for anything. And when you do not take a stand, you are not available to say yes to what you really care about. Even worse, other people will wonder what you stand for.
If you do not reject what you don’t want enough to say no, your yes becomes watered down and you are now saying yes to everything, putting you on a path to burnout and overwhelm. Plus, saying yes when you really mean no deceives yourself and others. If you stay silent about what you truly want, you diminish your heart energy and risk not recognizing what you love, let alone knowing how to attract more of what you love into your life.
The central role in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® is a Creator, the antidote to the Victim role in DDT. The great irony in activating your Creator energy is that when you are co-creating with others, you must first nurture your Creator essence in your own life.
If you look around the world today, there is a lot that is out of balance. Learning to say no to what you don’t want and reserving your yes for what you truly want will bring more balance to your life. Balance and boundaries are two essential ingredients to remaining strong and true to your Creator essence during times of personal and global upheaval.
Here are 3 questions to ponder as you strengthen your “no muscle”:
- If you are reluctant to say no, what are you resisting?
- If you want to say no, but feel pressured to say yes, what are you putting up with?
- What would support you to increase your courage to say no?
When you learn to say no to what you don’t want, you increase your energy and have more purpose and passion to say a “big yes” for what you truly want.