2 Comments

  1. Carol
    April 29, 2022 @ 2:44 pm

    You share so much wisdom in these essays, but I miss having a real-life example or two to make the lesson stick. I wonder what my commitment is when I complain about my husband’s tendency to leave socks, shoes, shirts, papers, etc. strewn around the house. If it’s to get him to change, that’s a losing battle (as all wives and husbands know).

    I guess I could give up and let the furniture gradually disappear under piles of his stuff. But that doesn’t make me feel like a creator–just a victim. I could toss my own things anywhere and everywhere, but that doesn’t feel good, either. Frankly, I think he’d like it. Requests to keep our mutual space livable don’t work. Is there any commitment on my part that could help us interact as mutually supportive equals? As people on the sunny side of the DDD?

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  2. David Emerald
    May 11, 2022 @ 1:29 pm

    Thanks for your comment, Carol, and I can feel the emotion in your “complaint.”

    When we have folks examine times that they are triggered to go reactive – and then introduce the idea of there being a commitment behind the complaint as a way of reflecting on what they care about that has them being triggered – almost always it leads to some “value” that they perceive being denied or thwarted. (For instance, I can get triggered when someone is rude to me or to another person because I value the Creator essence in all people.)

    Perhaps you value orderliness? I suspect that you also value your marital relationship. And here is the Challenger: we often have to weigh what can be “competing commitments” and prioritize them. It’s part of the “messiness” of human relationships.

    I wish you well in your life journey.

    To the Creator in you,
    David

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