Your brain believes what you tell it—both consciously and unconsciously. Your thoughts and the words you speak stimulate a chemical reaction in your nervous system to respond to what you are thinking and saying. For example, if you repeatedly tell yourself that a work project will not go well, your nervous system will produce stress […]
What do you listen for? When you begin to “listen to how you listen, you may notice a lot of preconceptions and judgmental comments. For example, even if you’re not parenting a teenager, imagine for a moment you say to your teenager: “Why can’t you put that phone down for just one night and spend […]
Halloween is celebrated around the world this weekend. It is a festive holiday that has its roots in various folk legends and religious rituals, including the “Day of the Dead,” which is a popular Latin holiday. In secular society, Halloween is synonymous with horror movies, ghosts, and the “shadow side” of being human. The term […]
At the end of a recent workshop, Donna asked each person to share one new habit they are committed to changing. One man said, “I want to stop taking things personally.” Others finished their checkout and the workshop ended. After the workshop, the man’s statement to not take things personally continued to echo in Donna’s […]
The need to please others is one of the most important social skills for all human beings. Appropriately pleasing one another keeps us connected and helps us to survive and thrive together. The challenge comes when your pattern of habitual pleasing is your only response to life—it becomes an obsession rather than a choice. We […]
When you hit your breaking point, you may hurt the feelings of others and may say something you regret later, making a difficult situation even worse. When you reach that moment, chances are you justify what you said or did because that is part of what happens when you reach your breaking point. It is […]
High drama means high emotions. And when your emotions hijack you, they take over your ability to express yourself and make good decisions. Have you ever been so upset that you feel like you are “losing your mind?” With all that is happening in the world today, many express this in various ways. Fear and uncertainty […]
As we worked on this week’s “TED* Works!” essay, Donna received word that a long-time, very dear friend’s house had perished in one of the Oregon wildfires. At nearly the same time, she also learned that her niece had been hospitalized for dangerous pregnancy complications that requires long-term hospitalization. The shock and grief of the […]
In the 1960’s Dr. Stephen Karpman first described the three reactive and problem-focused roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer that he named the Drama Triangle. One role—that of Rescuer—is especially familiar to us. We often say that we are both “recovering Rescuers.” The Rescuer role is the “pain reliever” in the Drama Triangle and focuses […]
This parable was written by the late husband of a good friend of ours. How does a trapeze artist learn to pry their fingers off the familiar bar and leap to the one coming at them? Discovering their secret changed the way we now relate to the tension of life. We think it will change […]
